These are crazy times we are living in. Historical on so many fronts. Watching the news from the comfort of my home provides me with a very detached, spectator-like view of current events. Insulation from the chill. Control. Mute -- instant quiet from the "noise". Channel -- the luxury of tuning out the rhetoric. One look at the 30% loss in my 401k provides a reality check that is truly tough to swallow.
Coming to terms with this crisis is not easy. When times are good no one questions why. No need for Plan B. When times are bad, like a light switched on in a dark warehouse, the rats scatter. The aftermath is silencing. Your eyes adjust and what's left....well....is not quite what you envisioned.
It's times like these that those funny little things that our parents, grandparents and great grandparents used to say (and do) seem wiser than the day is long. SAVE. Spend wisely. What do you need that for? It's soooo expensive. Back in my day....
I'm chuckling. There will be a day in the future. Sara and I will be gray and wrinkled. Our words of wisdom will echo those of the past because of events of today. No doubt, our advice will be watered down and shrugged away. Good times will come again and the cycle of prosperity (real or perceived) with it. The cycle will repeat.
The roller coaster of life continues on. Hold on and enjoy the ride.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Friday, October 10, 2008
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Follow Up
Yesterday, Sara joined me for a follow up appointment with my regular doctor . He confirmed the hospital's diagnosis of Tachycardia and provided an optimistic outlook. This event was a miss-fire in my body's electrical system. It's possible that it could happen -- no guarantees on that part. But it also may never happen again. Sorta the odds with most things in life, huh?
He explained that he had several young patients (guess that was a compliment to me) that have experienced this. It's not life threatening in most cases... although I can tell you from experience that it definitely feels like the end is near. In some instances, patients experience this enough that they opt for surgery. They use a laser to zap the area of the heart which is miss-firing. In my case, the doc explained that would be putting the cart before the horse.
I'm happy in general. I don't like the idea that this could happen again...but I feel good knowing that there are things that I can do in the event that it does occur. I've been told to hold my breath and bear down like....you guessed it...I'm taking a #2. That puts pressure on the cavity and is essentially a "reset" button for the heart. I'll let you know how that goes should it happen again :) I have my fingers crossed on that front.
So as my previous post said...life goes on. New weddings are being booked. My little girl is continuing to grow like a weed. Sara makes me smile more and more each day. My youngest neice Lauren will be 6 this Sunday. My Dad will be 59 on Monday. My best friend John will be 36. My Mom's lymphoma has regressed. My Dad's mass on his thigh was benign. My cousin Suzy is getting married in August.
The streak of luck continues. This movie I'm in gets better and better. It becomes more meaningful daily.
Life is truly good!
He explained that he had several young patients (guess that was a compliment to me) that have experienced this. It's not life threatening in most cases... although I can tell you from experience that it definitely feels like the end is near. In some instances, patients experience this enough that they opt for surgery. They use a laser to zap the area of the heart which is miss-firing. In my case, the doc explained that would be putting the cart before the horse.
I'm happy in general. I don't like the idea that this could happen again...but I feel good knowing that there are things that I can do in the event that it does occur. I've been told to hold my breath and bear down like....you guessed it...I'm taking a #2. That puts pressure on the cavity and is essentially a "reset" button for the heart. I'll let you know how that goes should it happen again :) I have my fingers crossed on that front.
So as my previous post said...life goes on. New weddings are being booked. My little girl is continuing to grow like a weed. Sara makes me smile more and more each day. My youngest neice Lauren will be 6 this Sunday. My Dad will be 59 on Monday. My best friend John will be 36. My Mom's lymphoma has regressed. My Dad's mass on his thigh was benign. My cousin Suzy is getting married in August.
The streak of luck continues. This movie I'm in gets better and better. It becomes more meaningful daily.
Life is truly good!
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Life Goes On
Friday will be a day that I will remember forever. What began as a typical jeans-wearing, low-key kick off to the weekend, ended in way that I'd rather not repeat...EVER!
Around 10:30 AM or so, I felt off. I was little light-headed and feeling out of sorts...so I decided to try and shake the "funk" by getting up and going to the bathroom. The walk will do you good I thought. I washed my hands, rinsed my face off and took a couple deep breathes. I looked at myself in the mirror. You can shake this John.
I walked back to my desk, still not feeling quite myself. I drank some water and tried to immerse myself in my work. It was NOT working. My left pinky and ring finger tingled slightly and the left side of my chest felt very heavy. Oh no. What is happening to me? Does anyone see this? My heart began pounding...and when I say pounding, I'm not talking about after a work-out -- this was full fledge, jump out of your chest pounding. It made me uneasy and shaky...and probably as a result, my heart was off to the races.
In such a state, it's funny what goes thru your mind. Most of my thoughts centered around not wanting to be a nuisance/inconvenience to anyone around me. Sara was on her way to have lunch with my Mom. I didn't want to interrupt that. My camera was under my desk. I didn't want to leave that. I have a wedding to shoot tomorrow. Shit! There was no way I was gonna miss that. Maybe I could just walk outside or drive myself to the hospital. Nah..I'd have to tell someone I was going and I was in no shape to explain myself. I was jittery and way off.
There was no way I was shaking this. I got really scared. I honestly felt like something bad could happen. The thought that I could die crossed my mind. When I thought of Sara and Mady at home...it really made everything else wash away. I needed help. I turned to my co-worker Susan...I think I need you to call someone...I said. I think Susan probably turned a few shades whiter than I was. I'm not sure if she ended up calling or Brenda (another co-worker)...but I'm fortunate to have such great people around me.
I was taken into a conference room by Steve (who head's up the group that I work in). He did his best to calm me...asking me to close my eyes, take deep breathes and picture a stop sign. A stop sign? I know it sounds funny he said....but it works.
Within about 10 to 15 minutes, paramedics were on the scene. It started with 2...then 2 more, than oh lord...a couple more. Just what I wanted, a huge spotlight. They took my vitals. Everything checked out...outside of a sky rocketing blood pressure.
I opted to get checked out at the hospital. There was no way I was gonna brush this off. Steve called Sara to let her know what was going on. I could only imagine how much her heart must have dropped when she heard what was going on. I felt awful for being in such a predicament to disrupt her day...and to make her worry about me. I'm supposed to be the strong one. The protector. The provider. Not the wounded. The sick. The weak.
It's pretty humiliating to be pushed thru your office in a cot. Awful to say the least. I waved weakly to my co-workers as I was pushed into the elevator. I'm glad I wasn't on my death bed...because we ended up stopping at 2 other floors. Good grief!
The ambo ride was uneventful. I was taken to Mercy Hospital...a place where I had been once before in my life -- birth. I was hoping I wouldn't complete the cycle today. I sat on the cot for what seemed like an eternity, as I watched the paramedics wait patiently for someone...anyone....anyone...bueller....bueller. It was unbelievable.
Finally I was moved from the cot to a wheelchair...where I was pushed facing a wall. I sat there for at least 10 minutes. No interaction. Nothing. Facing a wall. Hello...guy with a thumping ticker over here...Help me please! Check me out. Do something.
I went thru triage. EKG checked out. Sugar checked out. Back out to the hallway. Sitting there like a piece of meat. I reached out to Sara with my blackberry and was able to quickly say...I'm OK...I love you! ....before someone actually paid attention to me and told me I couldn't use my phone. Ahhh...now you see me sitting here?
Finally I got a room. Then off for x-rays. Check. IV with fluid. Check. Blood samples. Check. Oh no...we lost your blood. More blood samples. Check.
The results were in. There were none. I checked out. They chalked up this event to Tachycardia...which is basically just a generic way of saying that my heart was pounding/racing. I need to follow up with my regular doctor...possibly wear a heart halter for however long is determined...and see if anything flushes out.
It was a scary time. Sara and I held back a lot of tears while we were there. She sat by my side and held my hand. Her presence gave me strength. It reminded me that there are people here who need me...who count on me....who love me. Checking out is not an option.
Sara and I didn't talk too much later on that evening. We shared tears. We held each other. I'm determined now more than ever to live a healthy lifestyle.
And with that....life goes on...
Around 10:30 AM or so, I felt off. I was little light-headed and feeling out of sorts...so I decided to try and shake the "funk" by getting up and going to the bathroom. The walk will do you good I thought. I washed my hands, rinsed my face off and took a couple deep breathes. I looked at myself in the mirror. You can shake this John.
I walked back to my desk, still not feeling quite myself. I drank some water and tried to immerse myself in my work. It was NOT working. My left pinky and ring finger tingled slightly and the left side of my chest felt very heavy. Oh no. What is happening to me? Does anyone see this? My heart began pounding...and when I say pounding, I'm not talking about after a work-out -- this was full fledge, jump out of your chest pounding. It made me uneasy and shaky...and probably as a result, my heart was off to the races.
In such a state, it's funny what goes thru your mind. Most of my thoughts centered around not wanting to be a nuisance/inconvenience to anyone around me. Sara was on her way to have lunch with my Mom. I didn't want to interrupt that. My camera was under my desk. I didn't want to leave that. I have a wedding to shoot tomorrow. Shit! There was no way I was gonna miss that. Maybe I could just walk outside or drive myself to the hospital. Nah..I'd have to tell someone I was going and I was in no shape to explain myself. I was jittery and way off.
There was no way I was shaking this. I got really scared. I honestly felt like something bad could happen. The thought that I could die crossed my mind. When I thought of Sara and Mady at home...it really made everything else wash away. I needed help. I turned to my co-worker Susan...I think I need you to call someone...I said. I think Susan probably turned a few shades whiter than I was. I'm not sure if she ended up calling or Brenda (another co-worker)...but I'm fortunate to have such great people around me.
I was taken into a conference room by Steve (who head's up the group that I work in). He did his best to calm me...asking me to close my eyes, take deep breathes and picture a stop sign. A stop sign? I know it sounds funny he said....but it works.
Within about 10 to 15 minutes, paramedics were on the scene. It started with 2...then 2 more, than oh lord...a couple more. Just what I wanted, a huge spotlight. They took my vitals. Everything checked out...outside of a sky rocketing blood pressure.
I opted to get checked out at the hospital. There was no way I was gonna brush this off. Steve called Sara to let her know what was going on. I could only imagine how much her heart must have dropped when she heard what was going on. I felt awful for being in such a predicament to disrupt her day...and to make her worry about me. I'm supposed to be the strong one. The protector. The provider. Not the wounded. The sick. The weak.
It's pretty humiliating to be pushed thru your office in a cot. Awful to say the least. I waved weakly to my co-workers as I was pushed into the elevator. I'm glad I wasn't on my death bed...because we ended up stopping at 2 other floors. Good grief!
The ambo ride was uneventful. I was taken to Mercy Hospital...a place where I had been once before in my life -- birth. I was hoping I wouldn't complete the cycle today. I sat on the cot for what seemed like an eternity, as I watched the paramedics wait patiently for someone...anyone....anyone...bueller....bueller. It was unbelievable.
Finally I was moved from the cot to a wheelchair...where I was pushed facing a wall. I sat there for at least 10 minutes. No interaction. Nothing. Facing a wall. Hello...guy with a thumping ticker over here...Help me please! Check me out. Do something.
I went thru triage. EKG checked out. Sugar checked out. Back out to the hallway. Sitting there like a piece of meat. I reached out to Sara with my blackberry and was able to quickly say...I'm OK...I love you! ....before someone actually paid attention to me and told me I couldn't use my phone. Ahhh...now you see me sitting here?
Finally I got a room. Then off for x-rays. Check. IV with fluid. Check. Blood samples. Check. Oh no...we lost your blood. More blood samples. Check.
The results were in. There were none. I checked out. They chalked up this event to Tachycardia...which is basically just a generic way of saying that my heart was pounding/racing. I need to follow up with my regular doctor...possibly wear a heart halter for however long is determined...and see if anything flushes out.
It was a scary time. Sara and I held back a lot of tears while we were there. She sat by my side and held my hand. Her presence gave me strength. It reminded me that there are people here who need me...who count on me....who love me. Checking out is not an option.
Sara and I didn't talk too much later on that evening. We shared tears. We held each other. I'm determined now more than ever to live a healthy lifestyle.
And with that....life goes on...
From Sara's Blackberry!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Rain
It's a dreary day in Baltimore. Perfect day to sleep in, couch slouch and take in a few movies. Not the case for me -- I'm desk-bound, making sure the lights stay on in Georgia.
Latest movies watched...Juno, Michael Clayton & PS I Love You. Great choices for a day like today. A little humor, suspense and good ole appreciation for the ones in your life. I'm becoming more and more of a "softy" as I get older. Maybe it's parenthood. Maybe I'm just a closet fan of chick flicks. I think that's what Sara would say :)
I'm fortunate -- I recognize and appreciate it. Life is short, but this life is good.
Latest movies watched...Juno, Michael Clayton & PS I Love You. Great choices for a day like today. A little humor, suspense and good ole appreciation for the ones in your life. I'm becoming more and more of a "softy" as I get older. Maybe it's parenthood. Maybe I'm just a closet fan of chick flicks. I think that's what Sara would say :)
I'm fortunate -- I recognize and appreciate it. Life is short, but this life is good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.jpg)
.jpg)
